the tearoom

body mass and dick size

2005-05-16T08:56:00.000+08:00

two days after a night with a 5'8" man and his dick of about 6.5" in girth...

me: well... i've finally, finally, finally realised that there is absolutely no correlation between body mass and dick size
friend: lol, congratulations
me: thank you!
friend: what has brought oyu to this earthshattering conclusion?
me: my mid-morning tryst!
friend: with?
me: a guy who works on contract with ABC Company
friend: and he was teeny tiny?
me: no. not really. his was below average in length but it was acceptable. he was definitely below average in girth though... in fact, bordering on that previous Mr 2.5"
friend: poor boy
me: but it was alright. it wasn't the greatest, but it wasn't the worst. at least his built beefy body compensated for that shortcoming
friend: thats always a benefit
me: all i need now is a man of 5 feet with a 12 inch dick and I would definitely have seen it all!
friend: am sure its out there
me: don't say that. please... it just doesn't bear thinking... i need to have some faith in a semblance of "normality" and "predictability" in this world...

Mr 2.5"

2005-05-10T20:07:00.000+08:00

Look! I'm not a size-queen. Really... I'm not. I don't need a nine-inch dick, let alone a twelve-inch monster, to satisfy me. All I need is an average length penis with average girth to fill me up pleasantly and wonderfully. I don't need an extra large instrument to literally prise me apart... I'm serious!

That said, I finally discovered the limits of my tolerance. The lower limits, that is! I went to bed with a 6'2" tall, relatively big-sized white guy and discovered, when I unzipped his trousers, .... surprise! surprise! 2.5 inches! Hard! And no thicker than a 20 sen coin! And very veiny at that!

So... let me tell you what I learnt:

(1) It's not pleasant sucking on a short hard veiny dick. It was like sucking on a dry tree branch instead of a luscious, healthy, meaty body part - think an extra thick pencil! And because it was so small, there was quite a bit of extra room in my mouth. I started to wonder why bother?!? There was almost nothing to suck on...!

(2) You know how some people say that the difference between a small and a big dick is a tickle and a fuck?!? Well... it's true! He slipped it inside and like Samantha (of Sex & the City), I went: "is that it?!?" And when he pumped me, my brain started thinking: "Is that a finger rubbing me inside?!? I'm not feeling what I should be feeling...!" I let him fuck me twice just to be sure I wasn't imagining things... but I quickly sent him home after that.

Lesson learnt? Never go to bed with a man who has less than 5 inches unless all we end up doing is have him suck me off!

men and drinks

2005-01-02T17:32:00.000+08:00

my take on men and their drinks...

british men are like their tea - very bland.
american men are like their coffee - plain and perky, but strong.
australian men are like their wine - young, bright and very eager to have you try them.
malaysian men are like their teh tarik - as bland as the english but all clouded by milk, making them very wishy-washy

scabs over bum

2004-12-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

my bum itched a few days ago - no, not "that" way - probably from a mosquito or insect bite, and i couldn't help myself from scratching it over and over again until the skin became raw and started to bleed. well... predictably, there's a rather huge patch of scabs, and probably scars, over the left cheek of my bum now. i can't really see but it can't look good. i definitely am not exposing myself to a date. sadly, that means no sex for a few days...

equal rights

2004-12-20T15:59:00.000+08:00


Marriage is love.

mobile phones and cruising

2004-12-02T16:28:00.000+08:00

A really cute guy, who was obviously gay, was sitting across from me the other day when I was travelling on the LRT. I thought I would catch his attention and flirt with him, hoping that it would lead to more. Sadly, he was buried in his phone throughout the entire 20-minute journey. He was either sending SMSes or playing some high-tech game. Or his phone must have been extremely attractive. At any rate, we didn't lock eyes and soon he got off the train.

Mobile phones are really killing the gay scene. You can hardly cruise anyone anymore. Everyone's too busy with SMSes or games to pay any attention to anyone around them. At least if they are making calls, their eyes would still scan around - but honestly, how many people use their mobile phones for phone calls these days?!?

Gone are the days when you could walk around town and have a bit of fun cruising guys. Now you have to SMS them first before you'd catch their attention. And then you'd end up flirting virtually instead of doing IT for real.

shopping like a woman

2004-11-29T19:03:00.000+08:00

i bought a small black bag at isetan on sunday.

did i need a bag?
no

did i want a bag?
no

so, why did i buy a bag?
dunno. it was there. it was on sale. it looked nice. i had nothing else to do.

oh god. i'm begining to shop like a woman!

jerk!

2004-11-08T22:02:00.000+08:00

men can be such pricks!

i've been chatting and talking to this sexy looking older man for a few days when he pulled a stupid stunt on me last night.

we were talking on the phone when i called him an "idiot" and said "go away" - all in jest, of course. but he took me seriously! the idiot!

he hung up. i tried calling him back, but his line was "busy". i sent him a few SMSes with funny but appeasing messages. i tried calling him again a couple of times, but no answer. in fact, it's been 24-hours and i still haven't heard from him at all!

what a jerk!

sudah-lah! i don't need to suffer such rubbish. especially not from a man who i haven't yet met, who's attached (but not getting any from his boyfriend) and who is unemployed with no visible sources of income.

if he's trying to play harder to get than a nun - he'd better think again.

men!! honestly!
who do they think they are?!?

pink alert!

2004-11-01T13:06:00.000+08:00

ooo. parties

Pink Alert!
14 November 2004, Sunday (Hari Raya Eve)
9 pm till late
Orange Club - 1, Jalan Kia Peng, Kuala Lumpur
DJ Sawa (Japan) & DJ Princess Ann (KL)
At Door Tickets - RM45 includes first drink

Pink Recovery
15 November 2004, Monday (Hari Raya)
9 pm till late
Buddaba - 924 & 926 Jalan P Ramlee, 50250 Kuala Lumpur
DJ Bobbi B (KL) and DJ Louis
At Door Tickets RM25 include first drink

VIP Tickets at RM60 for Both Parties (with exclusive limited gifts for early birds).
For more "PINK" info, visit this site.
Or call +6016 320 7746 / +6012 658 6831.

hmm... who wants to go with me?!?
better yet, will any nice man take me out?!!

a cheap date

2004-10-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

in an attempt to forget this stupid man who refuses to give me the time of day, i went out with a guy from Penang who had been wanting to meet me and who i thought would at least provide mildly interesting company. i was wrong.

guys - you don't have to slurp your food. use utensils to guide them into your mouth. that's what they're for.

also, you don't have to chew with your mouth open. chewing with your mouth closed is equally effective. and less distracting to your dining partners.

also, if you intend to make an impression, dinner in a cheap food court isn't the best choice of venues. you might want to think about spending more than MYR13 on a meal for two. or is this the china-man from Penang stereotype acting up?

finally, using a photo that is several years old and very possibly doctored as your "calling card" isn't a very smart idea. you'll be found out.

... sigh ...

it's so hard to find a decent date these days.

men who like me, i don't like. men i like, don't like me.
the world is a merry-go-round.

dangerous liaisons

2004-10-26T15:01:00.000+08:00

it's amazing the sort of shit you can discover if you put your mind to it. and i think i'm a very freaky person.

how do these two sentences relate to each other?

well... i'm infatuated with that guy who wouldn't call me. i met him a few days ago when he cruised me in a restaurant. we chatted, he took my number (silly me, forgot to ask for his! duh!), and we went our separate ways. it's now been 3 days and i haven't heard from him. suffice to say, he's almost definitely not interested in me in that way.

meanwhile, i've been completely infatuated with the idea of him and the thought of us having the greatest sex on earth (for about a week before it all goes pear shape!). i knew his first name, but not his last. i knew roughly where he worked because he said so during our conversation. so i called his office, spoke to a low-ranking secretary and asked her in polite manja malay who he was. she gave me some answers and his full name. then i went to google. click! click! click! and hey presto! i've got just about his entire life history!

the question is do i stop here? or do i outdo Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons...?!??

no phone call

2004-10-25T01:42:00.000+08:00

when a guy doesn't call you within 24-hours of meeting you, even though it was him who asked for your telephone number, you know he's not interested in you in that way.

kill the hope and excitement.

relationships

2004-10-23T21:35:00.000+08:00

allow me to be serious for once.

gay men and straight people have very different understanding of the concept of relationships. a gay man would frequently consider a series of one night stands over a period of one month a relationship. straight people don't.

a friend asked me the other day how many relationships i have had. i stopped to think. i didn't quite know how to answer. and then i asked, "how do you define a relationship?"

gay men generally go through far too many "partners". their sex lives are like the lobbies of a busy city hotel with a revolving door spinning rather quickly in front.

maybe it's because relationships in the gay world are transient and ephemeral. and that they generally revolve around sex, sex, and frequently almost nothing else but sex. but it's true that we do have a tendency of calling relatively short-term relationships, relationships! and we also have a tendency of calling relationships that consisted of nothing more substantial than the exchange of fluids, relationships!

so, how many relationships have i had? that depends! in the "gay sense" - err... i haven't been counting in a long while! in the "straight person's sense", i guess, only ~~two~~ one and a half! :(

a teenager in love

2004-10-08T10:40:00.000+08:00

i feel like i'm a teenager in love. i feel all mushy inside. my heart palpitates faster than normal. i wasn't really thinking about him, but i couldn't really sleep last night. i feel light and happy and high on life!

i met this cute guy a few days ago over coffee. we got along alright. he was nice. and cute. and we've been SMSing each other since. i live for his SMSes every day. my heart jumps everytime the phone beeps with an SMS and i rush to it with glee. whoever thought that flirting with only 160 characters would be so much fun!?!!

we really should meet again, but he's been rather busy, or so he says.

meanwhile, i'm in love. at least, with the idea of being in love.

women shopping

2004-09-08T19:51:00.000+08:00

Straight men never fail to amaze me.

I was having dinner with a friend the other night when he started grumbling about his girlfriend spending RM500 ringgit on one spontaneous shopping trip. He then started to tell me what the girl had bought: two shirts, a ring, a bottle of perfume, a pair of shoes, a scarf and a new purse.

My jaw dropped!

Where does the girl shop? How did she managed to squeeze so much in for so little money?!?!!

My straight friend of course went "are you mad? that's RM500!!! in one afternoon!!!"

* sigh *

Straight men obviously don't understand that:

one shopping trip, however small, would mean spending no less than RM100
you could easily spend RM200-300 without too much effort
RM500 doesn't really buy you much these days - have you seen the prices of those gorgeous jackets in Zara??
nevermind the shopping - a girl about town would always need a lunch or tea break. that itself could easily cost RM50 a pop!

So my friend has decided that his girlfriend will either have to be locked up at home when they get married or work long days with little free time for shopping. women just can't be trusted on their own...

love in the modern age

2004-09-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

it was friday night and i was in a "nice" restaurant with a good friend having dinner. halfway through, he received an sms. his boyfriend wants to break up. he replied, with an sms, and asked why. the boyfriend came back with another sms and said he felt very stressed out by the relationship. my friend responded with more questions.

this went on for about 10 minutes. he would send one message off, explain the situation to me, read the reply and then write another.

while all this was happening, i glanced around the restaurant, partly to distract myself, partly to make it less awkward for my friend and partly to hide my embarassment for him. but while i was looking around the room, i saw this very nicely dressed straight couple sitting on the other end of the room. they looked young and i guess they must have been on a date, dressed to impress as they were. they appeared to be waiting for their orders to arrived. but what was really surreal for me was that they were both hunched over their respective mobile phones, both typing away what i guess were smses!

love in the modern age! do we even talk anymore?

a sensuous affair

2004-09-03T16:59:00.000+08:00

i find getting ready for a date to be a very sensuous affair.

first, i have a long hot shower to relax the muscles. i give my neck and shoulders a deep hard rub. if i have time, i'll massage a cream-based body-scrub all over before rinsing it off. then i'll wash my face and tenderly moisturise it so it looks healthy and "plump".

then, i'll dry off with thick, soft towels. and spritz on some EDT, breathing the scent in deeply. then i'll start choosing clothes to wear - always a headache, but nevertheless so much fun thinking about what it will convey, or reveal, or hide... or turn on or off!

then it's the face - enhance my best features (my high cheekbones, the luscious kissable red lips, and my eyes - the window into my world) and downplay the less attractive ones (oh god... i wouldn't even begin...). there's something particularly seductive about powdering your face or even running a finger over your lips with balm and gloss.

finally, i put on my clothes.
another spritz of the EDT.
a final glance in the mirror.

and i'm off!

discretion

2004-09-01T21:03:00.000+08:00

i find it really funny how gay men describe themselves as being "discreet". like what is that supposed to mean?

that i'm still in the closet and i'm pretending to be super straight?
that if asked, i will lie ferociously?
that if asked, i would evade the question?
that if you don't ask, i don't tell?

a gay kingdom

2004-08-25T16:32:00.000+08:00

finally! a homeland for gay people!

i can't wait to migrate to "The Gay & Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands", sing its national anthem, Gloria Gaynor's "I am what I am", and worship its emperor, Dale R!

now, if i can only find my passport... and an embassy of the Gay & Lesbian Kingdom to explain how i might apply for a visa...

paper napkin

2004-08-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

the internet is the greatest.

i was bored stiff this evening and decided a couple of hours chatting on gay.com could be quite fun. so there i was, logged on to the Kuala Lumpur chat room, chatting with a few guys whose profiles i thought were "interesting" as well as with those who had "hit" on me thinking i was "interesting". so... yakkity-yak-yakkity-yak... until i inevitably find that some of them are pricks (not in the good sense) and that i'd be better off being bored than chatting. but before i can say goodbye and click them away, one or two would inevitably ask for my contact. so what do i do? what do i do?

being the nice guy that i am... ahem! ahem! ... i can't just tell them i didn't like their pic, or their english, or their being three times overweight. that would be rude! better to give them false numbers or email addresses or not answer them at all! until now that is!

today, i discovered this. in future, if i don't like someone and i'm "forced" to give them a contact, instead of giving them a non-functioning email address, i give them one that works but that will tell them almost exactly what i think of them (this is the message they get in response to "emailing" me).

isn't the internet grand? there's even someone to do my dirty work for me!

2004-08-21T09:30:00.000+08:00

the gay scene is tough.

you have to be good looking. preferably muscled or tone. not just nice.

you have to be butch. no sissies or fems. you must be "straight"-acting.

you have to be gym-fit. or at least go to the gym. otherwise you are not toned and therefore not desirable.

you must be big. or at least average. otherwise, can't get a good grip on it. and nobody wants to be tickled.

you must be a top. or at least versatile. nobody is a bottom these days. bottom=fem=undesirable=outcast.

you must be under 30 or over 55. if you're under 30, you're a spring chicken=good. if you're over 55, you're a sugar daddy=good. if you're anywhere in between, you're just old=bad.

you must have place. no place, how to do?

haloscan! haloscan!

2004-08-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

i've added haloscan commenting and trackback to this blog. in the process, i've lost a few of the comments that were posted on this new blog yesterday and today by some very nice readers - my apologies. but you know i am a ditz. on the bright side of things, with haloscan, commenting becomes a lot easier. you need fewer clicks. and no more completely anonymous comments. yay!

gay man gone straight

2004-08-19T11:10:00.000+08:00

As I was walking along Bintang Walk yesterday evening, I bumped into an ex...erm... yes, I think you would call him an ex-boyfriend of mine. We were "going out" in my final year at university, i.e. we were either shagging madly like dogs, satisfying our testosterone-induced urges, on a daily basis. Lurid and sensational as that was, that's not what I want to tell you today.

We went our separate ways after university. I saw him the odd time or two in the first year and then he disappeared from my radar after that. Until yesterday.

So there we were hugging and grinning insanely at each other like inmates at a psychiatric ward, when I proposed coffee at Dome to "catch up". In truth, I was horny as hell and I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to put my moves on him - after all, as I recall, he was quite good in bed. And in the bathroom, the car, the kitchen, the bushes at the far end of the park...

We started yakking, yakking, yakking when suddenly he burst out: "I've got a girlfriend!"

I was flabbergasted. I stared at him for a good minute and then batted my eyelids before going, "what?!!"

him: I've gone straight.
me: you're joking!???!!!!
him: no, really. I'm going out with this girl now.
me: gay men don't go straight...!
him: well... I'm not sure if I really was gay...

(proceeds to tell me his life's story)

me: so, you mean to tell me you're not turn on by men anymore?
him: hmm.... no. not really.
me: and that year we were fucking like crazy... you didn't like it?
him: err... I enjoyed it. It was good.
me: it was only "good"?!!
him: come on... of course I had fun. I was actively participating in it remember?!
me: (not convinced) but you wouldn't do it again?
him: err... probably not.
me: (starting to feel infuriated) so, you didn't find me attractive at all then? you had such a bad time with me you just had to turn straight?!?
him: That's not true! I thought you were sexy. That's why we were together for a whole year.
me: (still fishing) but I was such a turn off towards the end, you had to defect to the other camp?
him: What are you trying to get at? Look, you're really sexy. In fact, I still think you look very good and I'd probably still have sex with you. It's just that I think I'm straight now.
me: (seizing the opportunity) you'd probably still have sex with me...?!!!

I'll leave the rest of the conversation out of this. But I was shocked. Completely surprised. Yes, "straight" men discover the joys of male sex and turn gay all the time. In fact, almost every day. I should know... But gay men don't turn straight? That never happens...?!? What's the world coming to? What does this say about homosexuality? More importantly, what does this say about me?!?

i've moved!

2004-08-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

the bum bung's "tearoom" has had to be moved due to cost issues... alas, yes, even us gay men have money problems although our shopping patterns seem to suggest otherwise.

my previous very generous host has decided to shut down www.thebumbung.com and i've been put out into the streets! fortunately, blogger is still free. unfortunately, i can't seem to import any of my previous posts into blogger. not happy. but there you go.
a chance to start all over again.
a whole new life.
a brand new existence.
a new me.

a new tearoom.